Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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