i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
