Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize