I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
