That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
