i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
