Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just want to make out with him forever
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
