He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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