The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
