never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
