Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
