i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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