Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
