At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
