I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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