I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
