I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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