Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
