What did I eat last night that was bloody?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We are all done wearing pants today
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
