drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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