I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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