I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
