He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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