I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
