it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
