I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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