24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
