if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
