Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
