the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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