My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
