don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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