so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
