Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
