He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
