Do you still have your period?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
