You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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