i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
