I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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