Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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