you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
