When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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