I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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