Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
