Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
