too bad you live with your parents still
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
