you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
