I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
