i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize