I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
