I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
