She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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