If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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