the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
