bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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