one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
