We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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