My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
