before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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