It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
