Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
