I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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