the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
