He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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