you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just threw up on my dentist
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
