Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize