He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
