so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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