I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
