she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
