Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
