just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
