She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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