you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
