It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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