yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
