HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Boobs are out for the taking
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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