I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
