New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
