i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
