Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
