She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
