I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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