Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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