Say something about gay babies.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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