I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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