I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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