It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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