apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize