Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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