I wish I could punch you in the face.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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