I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize