Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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