I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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