I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
