mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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