Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
