The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize