I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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