You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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