he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
