stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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