that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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