Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
