I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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