apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
