i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
