Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
