A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize