If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
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