I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize