Soap is not a condiment
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
