Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The Olympian is in my bed
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
